I was looking forward to Sunday, it’s the Great Manchester Run and I’m looking forward to it being out of the way. Please note, I’m not looking forward to running it, just for it being out of the way so I can have a few days off from the gym and can just relax for a little while. Well there’s no chance of that happening. Kev’s just reminded me that we’re doing the Blaydon Race on 9th June, so not only do I still need to keep training. I’m now triple booked, since it’s a Friday it means that it clashes with bowls and it also happens to be the first day of the World Cup. Arse!
Monthly Archives: May 2006
The funniest thing today
This is officially the funniest thing I’ve read today!
Why you shouldn't have your picture on the net?
A picture says a thousand words.
New regulations
THIS DEPT OF TRANSPORT INITIATIVE HAS BEEN RE-LAUNCHED, MAY & JUNE 2006.
Information Release.
Due to the nature of the quality of driving in England the Department of Transport has now devised a new scheme in order to identify poor drivers and give good drivers the opportunity to recognise them whilst driving.
For this reason as from the middle of May 2006 those drivers who are found to be driving badly which includes:
-overtaking in dangerous places;
-hovering within one inch of the car in front;
-stopping sharply;
-speeding in residential areas;
-generally being an arsehole
-pulling out without indication;
-performing U turns inappropriately in busy highstreets;
-under taking on motorways and
-taking up more than one lane in multi lane roads,
These drivers will be issued with flags, white with a red cross, signifying their inability to drive properly. These flags must be clipped to a door of the car and be visible to all other drivers and pedestrians. Those drivers who have shown particularly poor driving skills will have to display a flag on each side of the car to indicate their greater lack of skill and general lower intelligence mindset to the general public.
Please circulate this to as many other motorists as you can so that drivers and pedestrians will be aware of the meaning of these flags.
Department of Transport.
Poor Effort
Paul’s been back up in Darlo this week, but he’s been busy with his OU stuff so we haven’t been able to catch up. Yesterday we aimed to rectify this by going out on an all day session. It had all been organised, what could go wrong, we were watching the FA Cup final in Walkabout in Durham, grabbing some food, meeting up with Scott and a few other people for a few drinks and then getting the last train back to go to Escapades (or as we still prefer to call it Mardis Gras). Well it kind of went tits up at the first stage. We were supposed to be getting the 13.20 train from Darlo to Durham, this however was replaced by a bus, which would usually be fine. The bus however left at 13.15, we of course missed it and the next wasn’t till 14.45 which would mean that we’d miss the match. We therefore decided to have a few pints in Hogans.
What could go wrong?
You’ve probably already seen this, but it is very funny – Two Vicars
Groan…they don't make 'em like they used to!
Tommy Cooper
1. Two blondes walk into a building……….
you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message -
…If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key…
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, No, the steaks are too high.
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
A strong currant pulled him in.
Pay as you go
Its official, I hate my phone and always have done. I’m just no good at chatting on them, I can never think of anything to say leading to awkward silences. I therefore decided to switch to pay as you go and have only spent £70 since the end of November, and that included the £50 I spent during an expensive week of texting from Andorra. So if your wondering why I never phone anymore, well that’s the reason, oh yeah that and I don’t like you anymore!
Another great weekend
Its been another great weekend, it is true that my recollection of yesterday is a little bit vague, but it was still great. It started at just gone midday when we went to the pub to watch the Crystal Palace Vs Watford game. I seem to remember the game being quite good, it was definitely better than the game we’d seen the previous weekend. There’s not much I can say about the game other than I drank a few beers, so fast forward a little and it was time to go and watch the Darlo game. I was a little drunk by this point, so much so that I drank a double vodka in the Nags Head while waiting for the bus, it wasn’t nice. The game itself wasn’t that memorable, it ended 1-1 and I remember swearing at all the chavs who invaded the pitch as we scored our equaliser.
After the game it was back to the pub with Simons dad for a few more beers to celebrate his birthday. After leaving I grabbed a chip butty and went home to watch tv. It was at this point that I realised that I was drunk because I couldn’t focus on the tv and actually managed to pass out before Law and Order finished, so I have no idea how it actually ended.
OMG
OMG, I went to Pizza Hut tonight after I’d been to the gym, what a mistake to make. It was horrible, no wonder its never full. The last time I’d been to the Pizza Hut in Darlington was about 14 years ago for a birthday party, so its been a while. But it was exactly the same as I remember with the exception that it was a little bit more run down. I won’t be going back for at least another 14 years!