Apr
27
A yet more cynical view on marriage . . .
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A man has tickets for the World Cup final. After he has been sitting in his seat for a few minutes, the man in the seat behind him taps him on the shoulder and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
“No,” he says. “The seat is empty.”
“Absolutely incredible!” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Cup Final, one of the great sporting events, and not use it?”
“Well actually,” he says, “the seat belonged to my wife. She was supposed to come with me but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” replies the man. “That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else to take the seat? A friend or relative, or even a neighbour?”
The man shakes his head and says, “No, they’re all at the funeral”
Apr
27
Instructions to Girlfriends/Wife
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1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor….it wont happen.
Apr
26
Not such a bad place
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Apr
26
Beer belly
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I’m building up to the weekend because its my last day at work tomorrow. Going to see the Charlatans and the Feeling tomorrow night at the Newcastle Academy and then on Friday myself, Simon and Helen are off down to Johnny’s in preparation for Saturdays game (Wycombe Vs Darlo). We’ll also be watching Watford Vs Hull on Sunday which hopefully will be more exciting than the Darlo game, because its sure to be terrible since we’re travelling such a long way. Over the weekend there will be lots of beer leading to the development of a lovely beer belly (finally getting to the point of the post) which leads me on to the following two links, firstly here is a fat bloke trying to impress a woman in a bikini (obviously a setup job) and a great invention for skinny blokes who want to be fat and have a ready supply of beer.
Just so you know it won’t be all drink this weekend, its highly likely that I’ll be driving the Leeds again on Monday for another round of band watching, this could be one of our most productive trips ever to get the bands per week quota back up to a reasonable level.
Apr
25
Just like David Bailey
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Well after much waiting my new digital camera has finally arrived, and its great. It has far too many functions, and more importantly far to many to remember about. The manual as with all things in these times comes on CD so isn’t the greatest, but I’ve printed out the bits I need. I recon the best bet is just to leave it on auto and see what happens. To test it out I took it with me at lunch time when I went for my usual walk around Durham, so here for your viewing pleasure is a photo diary of how I spent my lunch hour.
Apr
24
Strange young man
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Well I don’t know what to say about Paul other than he is a very strange young man. I say young he’s the same ages as me but has not changed since he was at school so am sure he still sometimes gets ID’d in pubs, even though he runs one. So what is the point of this post, well apart from being strange and having having an addiction to expresso he’s also rather amusing so with that in mind why don’t you take a look at his latest entry about old blighty.
Apr
23
Well its not long now till the Great Manchester Run on 21st May and so far I hadn’t ran the full race distance, so inspired by the London Marathon I’ve just been and ran 10km in 50 mins 4 secs, and I’m shattered. Between now and the actual race I hope to get it down to around 45 mins. Its got to be said that I was rather sweaty so hopefully I’ll be able to find somewhere to grab a shower on the day of the race so that we can grab some food and some beers (if Simon doesn’t mind since he’s driving)
Apr
21
If Carlsberg…
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…made offices, they would be like this. Its so beautiful. I’m Jelous.
Apr
20
Beers is good again!
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After a bad experience on Saturday after far too much beer on Friday, I’m pleased to announce that beer
is once again good. (The whole reason for this post, I found this picture and thought it was very true!)
Apr
19
What the hell!
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So I’ve got no money, but I need a new digital camera so I’ve just placed the order. Hopefully my lovely new Canon IXUS 55 should arrive by next week ready for my trip down to Wycombe for the Darlington game. So next time you see me just be careful because I will be armed so if you do anything stupid I’ll get you!
